Don't ask, don't tell
by mystiri1
Summary: One-shot. Crack. Zack reflects on Sephiroth's sense of humour. Alcohol, cross-dressing and chocobos. Shounen-ai hints. Angeal, Genesis, Zack, Sephiroth.


_Prompt: It could be you_**  
_Warnings: _**_This story contains suggestions of male/male sexual relationships, cross-dressing, and drunken behaviour.__No chocobos were harmed in the making of this fic._

* * *

Whatever happened at any future parties SOLDIER threw to ring in the New Year, Zack knew, it would never possibly top this.

He understood that somewhere upstairs there was a boring, seven-course dinner going on for the ShinRa executives, one of those rubber chicken deals to be followed by dancing to music nobody liked, but suffered through anyway. SOLDIERs, however, took their fun more seriously, and even the executives knew batter than to interfere with this particular night of drunken revelry.

Usually, the General would be forced to sit through the dinner, but he'd somehow found a way to get out of it. Zack wasn't sure just how much manoeuvring had been involved in that particular achievement, as ShinRa liked to show Sephiroth off at such events; rather liked a trained poodle, the General had once observed acidly. But you just had to look at the stage to know why even Sephiroth wouldn't miss this.

Genesis and Angeal had been put in charge of entertainment for this year's party, with very specific orders. Orders they were told they would fulfill, or spend the next six months posted to a tiny cabin somewhere near Icicle.

That was the reason why the General sat beside him, arms folded across his chest, foot tapping gently in time to the music, a smug smile playing around his lips and an evil gleam in his eyes.

That was the reason why two top-ranking SOLDIERs were currently on the stage, dressed in drag and singing a romantic duet from Loveless.

Of course, the real reason they were up there was a drunken prank involving the General's own warbird – a fierce chocobo whose feathers were usually a dramatic, glossy black – and some pink dye.

Zack had to admit, as pranks went, it was spectacular. He thought giving the General's bird hot pink highlights was probably Genesis' idea – it seemed more like him – but Angeal had been more than game. They'd had to knock the bird out with a sleep spell, as it was less than friendly to those other than its rider, and then proceed with the dye job. He did wonder that they didn't sober up and realise they were probably going to die a horrible death for their efforts before it was finished; but all in all, he thought it was a job well done.

Not that he'd say such a thing to the General.

"Man, I never thought I'd see the day Angeal pranced around in heels." Zack shook his head, and tried to look appropriately straight-faced when the SOLDIER in question glanced his way. As soon as Angeal turned back to the stage, the smirk was back. "Yeah, sure, Genesis, maybe, but Angeal? And that falsetto is _really_ not right coming from someone his size."

Sephiroth had been understandably furious. For some reason, a black chocobo with pink-tipped feathers edging his wings and a fluffy pink tail just didn't strike quite the same amount of fearful awe in the enemy, or even his own troops. But his revenge was truly masterful, as most of his plans were. The punishment for carrying out one crazy, drunken idea before sobering up enough to know better was that they were now being forced to follow through on another crazy, drunken idea.

Most of the SOLDIERs present were well on their way to being pleasantly toasted. Angeal and Genesis were probably regretting the fact that they were currently stone cold sober.

Well, Angeal, maybe. This sounded very much like another idea that had originated with Genesis, who looked way too comfortable in a dress and fishnet stockings.

"It could be worse," Sephiroth observed.

"It could?"

"It could be you. I've heard you sing."

Zack didn't answer. For once, he was an innocent party. At least, mostly innocent. He'd had no part in dying the General's bird, but he had been attracted to the stables by the sound of a warbling, drunken rendition of 'My Baby Loves Me.' That was when he'd pointed out to the two men that if they wanted the pink dye to show, they'd have to bleach the feathers first.

Yes, it really was quite amazing neither of them had sobered up before having second thoughts.

But while Angeal and Genesis had appreciated this helpful advice, he didn't think Sephiroth would do the same.

Once their punishment was announced, Angeal had been heard to grumble about Sephiroth's lack of a sense of humour. Zack didn't think that accusation was true. You just had to look at the smirk playing around the General's lips right now to know he had one. And it had an evil streak right through it.

It would definitely be better if the General never found out about his helpful grooming tips. It was possible Sephiroth could come up with something even worse than this as retaliation.

Sephiroth was looking at him now, apparently surprised by the lack of any easy retort from him. Zack turned his attention away from the silver-haired man beside him, and back to the stage. After all, it could be him up there.

"At least I have better legs than Angeal."


End file.
